Icon Brands
Darth Invader 14" Dildo
A 14-inch dark lord dildo with suction cup. Fan boy meets fist boy. The Dark Side has never been this literal.
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Gift Guides
Find the perfect WTF gift for every person and occasion.
💌
For Your Ex
Because closure is overrated
Bad Dragon
Crackers the Cockatrice
A cockatrice-inspired toy. Half rooster, half serpent, fully committed to making your Monster Manual collection feel inadequate.
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Geeky Sex Toys
D20 Gag
A D&D 20-sided die turned into a ball gag. Roll for initiative in the dungeon — both kinds.
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Fleshlight
Fleshlight Alien Queen
An alien-themed Fleshlight with a xenomorph-style entrance. Three signature textures combined. In space, everyone can hear you.
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Sinnovator
Sinnovator Alien Eggs Set of 6
Six platinum silicone alien eggs for ovipositor play. Half a dozen reasons to question your browsing history.
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Uberrime
Uberrime The Aliter Bent Knot Alien Dildo
An H.R. Giger-inspired alien dildo with biomechanical musculature. Art history class just got interesting.
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💬
For The Group Chat
Links that get screenshotted
Chakrubs
Chakrubs Talu Crystal Pleasure Tool
A crystal pleasure tool available in rose quartz, obsidian, clear quartz, AND sodalite. Named after the Talu chakra point. This is a geology degree you actually want.
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Glas
Glas Banana Joy 7-Inch Glass Dildo
A 7-inch hand-blown glass dildo shaped like a banana. For scale and for pleasure. Finally answers the question 'is that a banana or are you just happy to see me?' Both. It is both.
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Sincerely Fearless
Good Vibrations Vibrator Earrings
Earrings that are actually tiny working vibrators. Available in 5 colors. The most discreet accessory you'll ever own that doubles as a conversation killer at dinner parties.
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Chakrubs
Chakrubs Xaga Curve Crystal Dildo
A hand-polished crystal curved dildo available in rose quartz, obsidian, and clear quartz. Comes with a velvet pouch and a guided meditation practice. Your yoni has never been so spiritually aligned.
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Glas
Glas Cornstar 8-Inch Glass Dildo
An 8-inch glass dildo shaped like a corn cob. Hand-blown borosilicate glass. Dishwasher safe. Finally, a corn on the cob you do not bring to a barbecue.
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Motorbunny
Motorbunny Original Ride-On Sex Machine
A ride-on vibrating sex machine with Bluetooth app control and interchangeable attachments. 6500 RPM of vibration. It is essentially a roomba for your pleasure centers.
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👑
For The Person Who Has Everything
Luxury absurdity
LELO
LELO EARL 24K Gold
A 24-karat gold anal plug. $2,490. Made-to-order, 30-day production. For the person who has literally everything except this.
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Motorbunny
Motorbunny BUCK Thrusting Sex Machine
A ride-on sex machine that vibrates AND thrusts. Bluetooth app control. Multiple attachments. This is the mechanical bull your local bar wishes it could be.
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njoy
njoy Eleven
THREE POUNDS of polished stainless steel. Eleven inches long. Costs $400. This is the Excalibur of dildos. Whoever wields it is worthy.
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LELO
LELO TIANI 24K Gold Couples Massager
A remote-controlled couples vibrator with a ring of 24-karat gold. Comes with actual 'breakup insurance' from LELO. Dual motors. Eight modes. The only sex toy that hedges against heartbreak.
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Chakrubs
Chakrubs Amethyst Original
A pleasure wand carved from pure amethyst crystal. Promotes calm, clarity, and apparently orgasms. Hand-polished. Each one unique. Your crystal healing practitioner forgot to mention this application.
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LELO
LELO HUGO 2
Dual-motor app-controlled prostate massager. 10 pleasure modes. Comes in a satin pouch like jewelry. 20% more pleasure than V1 — they measured.
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💸
Under $25
Impulse zone — cheaper than your last DoorDash
Glas
Glas Banana Joy 7-Inch Glass Dildo
A 7-inch hand-blown glass dildo shaped like a banana. For scale and for pleasure. Finally answers the question 'is that a banana or are you just happy to see me?' Both. It is both.
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Body Candy
Body Candy Glow-in-the-Dark Nipple Ring Set
316L surgical steel nipple rings that glow in the dark. Because apparently regular nipple jewelry wasn't enough — yours need to be a beacon.
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Fizzin Bath Bombs
Fizzin Dick Soap
A penis-shaped soap available in Aphrodisiac Purple, Hugo Boss Black, and Fantasy Pink. For when you want to wash your hands and question your life choices simultaneously.
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Glas
Glas Cornstar 8-Inch Glass Dildo
An 8-inch glass dildo shaped like a corn cob. Hand-blown borosilicate glass. Dishwasher safe. Finally, a corn on the cob you do not bring to a barbecue.
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Little Genie
Let's Get Naked Card Game
A stripping card game where the loser of each round performs the action on their card. It's War meets strip poker, but with less strategy and more skin.
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Shinesty
Shinesty Naughty X-Rated Women's Underwear
Underwear with messages and designs so explicit they'd make your grandmother need smelling salts. Dangerously comfortable, aggressively inappropriate.
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🎉
Bachelorette Party
Things the bride will never forget
Emojibator
Emojibator Fruit Basket Set
Eggplant, banana, chili pepper, and pickle vibrators in one box. The world's most suspicious fruit basket. Perfect housewarming gift.
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Self Delve
Self Delve Corn On The Cob Dildo
A hyper-realistic silicone corn cob dildo. Every kernel individually sculpted. The farmers market will never be the same.
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Neon Cowboys
Neon Cowboys LED Pasties (Shapes Only)
Battery-powered LED shapes — cherries, stars, hearts, lightning bolts — that stick onto pasties. Water-resistant. For when you want your chest to be the main event at the rave.
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Vex Toys
Vex Toys Sweet Treat Ice Cream Cone Dildo
A platinum silicone ice cream cone dildo. 8 inches tall. Handmade. Each one unique. Your soft-serve obsession has entered dangerous territory.
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Emojibator
Emojibator Pickle Vibrator
A pickle-shaped vibrator. Waterproof. 10 vibration modes. Looks exactly like something you'd leave in the fridge to confuse your roommate.
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Fizzin Bath Bombs
Fizzin Dick Soap
A penis-shaped soap available in Aphrodisiac Purple, Hugo Boss Black, and Fantasy Pink. For when you want to wash your hands and question your life choices simultaneously.
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🤖
For The Tech Bro
If it doesn't have Bluetooth, is it even worth it?
Kiiroo
Kiiroo KEON VR
230 strokes per minute. Syncs to VR content, cam shows, and your partner's device worldwide. The metaverse just got real.
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Autoblow
VacuGlide 2
14 POUNDS of aluminum luxury. 225 strokes/min. Has an AI Companion chat that controls the device. The Rolls-Royce of suction. Made of actual metal.
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BMS Enterprises
PowerBullet Cosmic Ring Glow-in-the-Dark
A glow-in-the-dark vibrating cock ring with 9 functions, USB rechargeable, and a removable bullet. Your junk, now with ambient lighting.
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Lovense
Lovense Sex Machine
300 strokes per minute. App-controlled from anywhere on earth. Double-sided for two. Your partner in Tokyo controls your evening in Montreal.
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Mystim
Mystim Cluster Buster
Wireless e-stim power box that controls up to 8 receivers simultaneously. You can literally zap 8 body parts at once. Party planning has never been this electrifying.
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Syncbot
Syncbot AI Masturbator
An AI-powered masturbator that syncs to video in real-time using 'PornGPT' AI. Thrusts, rotates, and suctions. Silicon Valley's most awkward startup pitch.
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